"History is philosophy teaching by example." (Lord Bolingbroke)

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Thursday, December 29, 2005

So, You Really Want a Terrific 2006? Read On.

Eleanor has been totin' the load this month with some really good stuff, as she always does. We, on the other hand, have been doing some resting and recuperating, and getting ready to take on 2006. We must come out of hiding briefly at this time to render a service to humanity.

As Southerners, we have long felt it to be our obligation to the rest of America and the world to share with you the secret carried by generations of Southerners.

What is that secret? Well, it is: How to ensure good luck for you throughout the year. To accomplish this, however, it takes specific preparatory behaviors begun in 2005, and you do not have a moment to lose. You must be ready to take certain other behaviors as soon as the clock strikes midnight on 31 December 2005 and becomes 1 January 2006.

We published the following guide last year, but we know that we have some new readers. So, in the interest of furthering all mankind, we share the secret again in hopes that you and yours have the best year possible in 2006.

You can take the man out of the South but not the South out of the man, says the maxim. Over the decades, from all over the USA, even to Guam, the South travelled with me. Right now, we live far, far away from our Southern roots, but, when it comes to New Year preparations, we dig into our heritage, as an inviolable tradition: Namely, how to get ready for the New Year and guarantee good luck all year.

It is no secret, neither for family nor for region, so we want to share this marvelous ritual with readers so that they too can have a full year of good luck.

Maybe Southerners are the only Americans who have a specific ritual meal for ushering in the New Year. We are ignorant of any other similar custom from any other region of America.

Well, here goes:

The meal is to be prepared in time for the clock crossing 2400 hours into the New Year, and the key ingredients are to be the very first thing in the mouth as the seconds of the newly arrived year tick off. No champagne, no nothing in the very new, New Year before the first bites of the traditional meal. After those first bites, then consume whatever you want. (What you eat and drink prior to 2400 hours has no influence, so indulge in advance freely).

The first essential dish is a preparation of black-eyed peas. Tradition suggests "hog jowl" be cooked with the peas, but we are vegetarians, so we use a ham analog. Our luck persists with this small change, so it obviously does not upset the metaphysics to use fake ham. We make a black-eyed pea casserole with a nip of Tabasco and a crust of cheddar on top. My, oh my, is it good!

The second essential dish must be turnip greens. Diced turnips are a neat addition as is some fatback, if you have it, or, in our case, some more ham analog. If you are unfamiliar with turnip greens, be advised that you must cook them at least 45 minutes for them to become tender. Be further advised that when they tenderize, they are scrumptious. If you are an afficianado, you know to dash a little vinegar on a steaming mound of turnip greens.

The third essential dish is corn bread. Don't get any of this Yankee "mix" that is sweet. Authentic Southern corn bread is NOT sweet at all. Get something like Martha White cornbread mix made with buttermilk, if you don't make it from scratch. Add cracklins if you have 'em, or crumbled bacon bits, or bacon analog.

With the instant of the arrival of the New Year, have a bite of each; it is crucial to start with the black-eyed peas. After that, you can just chow down on the rest for sheer enjoyment.

It always works: You never know what happens if you don't protect your luck using this tradition, because it never happens--if you follow the tradition. You just cannot know what does not occur. If, during the year, life events kick you in the teeth, just think of where you would have been kicked without this meal.

You can make and feed a passel of people this meal for about five dollars and really spread the good luck around.

You have nothing to lose, except bad luck--for the year. Hmm ... if every single one of us indulged in this good luck feast, perhaps it would change the course of history vis a vis the threat of Islam ...

From all of us at Sixth Column and 6th Column Against Jihad:



  • At Fri Dec 30, 10:55:00 AM PST, Blogger John Sobieski said…

    Happy New Year to you. I am surprised to hear you are a vegetarian. I always associate that with the leftists against us and that is unfair. I have black eye peas new year's day but I do know people who have them at the stroke. We will continue to voice the truth in 2006 and more people will listen.

  • At Sat Dec 31, 10:44:00 AM PST, Blogger Jason_Pappas said…

    New Year’s Greetings to Eleanor, Cubed, and George; and all the people at Sixth Column. Great work, this past year! And here’s wishing everyone great health in the New Years!

  • At Sat Dec 31, 01:36:00 PM PST, Blogger Always On Watch said…

    Happy New Year to all at Sixth Column! You good people provide an invaluable service with both your blog and your web site.

    Now, let me dredge up what I remember of my mother's family's folklore (My mother's family hailed from the hills of East Tennessee). The black-eyed peas represent coins and good luck; the greens, cabbage or turnip greens, represent greenbacks. Eat up to guarantee prosperity in the new year. At least, that's my best recollection, and I just checked with my cousin, who verified the information.

    I don't eat these goodies at midnight. I'm too busy with my annual champagne fest. Hehehe.

    Do you recall a custom called "first-footing"? It was regarded as bad luck for a woman to be the first entrant at someone else's home on New Year's Day rounds.

    The quaint Southern customs are great fun and nowhere near the nasty traditions of Islam (I just had to say that!)

    Keep proclaiming the truth, infidel friends. The truth must never be denied.

  • At Mon Jan 02, 01:58:00 PM PST, Blogger George Mason said…

    Jason and AOW,

    Thank you for your well wishes and comments. As some of you know, December turned out to be quite taxing. By New Year's Eve, we were well on the mend, however, and we rose to the Southern occasion. Alas, age got the best of us, and we folded before the clock struck midnight. Be assured, however, that we got up the next morning and performed New Year Fortification Rites. We had our peas, greens, and corn bread combined on a teaspoon before anything else. Later, we chowed down big time. The New Year got started properly.

    As for "first footing," we just can't recall having encountered that one. Alas, we left Birmingham, Alabama at age 7 and have been disowned by relatives who say that we came to sound like "yankees." We might have left that custom in Alabama, although Grandma, a classic "Southern lady," did not ever call on it.

    As for the vegetarian bit, we surprise a lot of folks on the right and left who had decided that all vegetarians were lefties. We are living proof that it "ain't" so. We will confess to being a bit weird.

    Happy New Year to all.


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